One Way

I've had my post-semester weekend of cleaning out the Summer session crap, scanning Ebay for the Fall books, returning emails and phone calls that have been stacking up for months, preparing for several trips during my break and most importantly -- getting back into a social life.

I decided to step out last night. I dont know why this struck me as so funny but it did and now I'm writing it down.

One of the first people I met in Dallas, even before I moved here, is my friend Bill. He's a landmark in Dallas and there isn't enough blog space to describe his eccentric personality. One of the things that I find interesting about Bill is his ability to talk endlessly about anything. Despite what some may have assumed from my blabbering in blogland, I am not a huge talker in person. I do have conversations, I respond, I have opinions, I offer them forth. But -- I am a bottom line person in conversation, I strip off all the detail, toss out scene description, character development and yank out the one sentence that is essence of the communication. Bill, on the other hand, is my polar opposite.

Bill is the first person I run into this evening. He's happy to see me since its been about 10 months since our last get together. The obligatory how have you beens are exchanged, I get my drink and Bill starts talking about the 'origins of man'. This one way conversation started at 10:30pm.

"And so my theory is that we are all of the same essence, the physical, spritual, emotional clay. I think God intended it to be ..."

Bill, please, I didnt come out to get a lesson in Evolution. Besides, I learned that in Biology 1.

"And furthermore my theory is corroborated by current genetic research, I mean do you know that we human beings share over 99% of the same genes as chimpanzees, its like a grand master plan that was perfectly excuted and ..."

Actually, its 98% and the research that proved that is old, very old.

After the first 5 minutes I simply tuned him out. I've heard many Bill disserations, usually they will go on for 10 minutes and he won't bother to inhale until all of the speech has been delivered. I never even looked at his face during this time as a subtle hint that I was not paying attention, in fact, I was watching some BBC sitcom on the bar TV, 'Chef' I think.

"I feel like there is a master plan that unites all people and creatures of the universe, yes, a universal force that makes us related and connected, feeling all as one and ... "

Obviously my ignoring him has no effect, why should it, it never has in the past, lol. During this time a nice man, Juan Roberto (aka JR) comes up and we have a short chat. Then my friend Robert. Then some idiot I cant stand, Ken. Meanwhile Bill is still chatting away.

I looked at the clock on the wall, 10:49pm, wow, he has been on this diatribe for almost 20 minutes -- a personal record, I think.

Finally at 10:55pm Bill steps in front of me, hands on his child-bearing hips, blocking my view of the BBC sitcom.

"Are you listening to me??" -- he asks all Bette Davis eyed and faux mad. I started laughing hysterically.

"No Bill, I tuned you out about 25 minutes ago, didn't you notice I was having conversations with other people." -- I'm laughing so hard tears are starting to run down my face

"Well, no. Next time you should tell me to shut up!", he laughs and he is truly shocked that I was having other conversations during his monologue.

"Bill, babe, when has that ever done any good?"

"Oh, yeah, good point.", he laughed. And really, he is good natured about his eccentric behavoir.

Then something in a tight pair of jeans caught his eye and he was off without so much as a word. I would have been able to have a moment to let my eardrums rest but Idiot Ken came back.