Sex And Mom In The City

First up in the friends expose series, Tara.

My friend Tara is seeing a great guy; strong, handsome, good personality and scary smart ( like full scholarship to Harvard smart). He has a few 24 year old quirks but he passed the friends panel interview, we liked him (and the panel is one set of picky bastards too). We thought it was cool that they met each other on a trip to Spain, much better than say some drunken spree at Obar. Both Tara and her guy are in their twenties, adults, quite capable of making mature decisions about what is best for their lives.

But you know, parents never seem to let go of their parenting urges.

Tara has a nice conversation with her mom recently and mom asks "So, does he spend the night?" I know you can see this coming. I'm thinking that doesn't require any thought at all; they are both attractive 20-somethings and they have been seeing each other for several months. OF COURSE HE DOES.

Then comes the question that all children dread their parents asking, the sex question.

Background on Tara - sexy, smart, assertive, quick, rebellious and she doesnt back away from confrontation, not even with the MOM.

Tara laid down the reality to mom with clarity and stark efficiency, she is in management after all. Apparently this did not sit well with mom, judging by the no sex before engagement emails that she received post-confrontation. Then there was the no sex before engagement lunch chat followed oh-so gleefully by the no sex before engagement dinner chat. What a beating.

Me: "Why would you tell your mom about your sex life?"

Tara: "She asked, I told."

Good point.

Tara: "She shouldn't ask if she doesn't want to know."

Another good point.

Me: "I think I would deflect the conversation, its really none of her business. She's done her job as mother now she should trust that you will do whats best for you".

Tara: "Hmm, interesting angle and worthy of consideration however I'd rather lay out a bunch of sex toys on my coffee table and be like ' Here mom, this one is my personal favorite, its called The Rabbit, notice the special angle it makes here at the midsection' ".

Did I mention that Tara is very direct?

I can understand mom's concern, I know my parents are still my parents and that will go on forever. However, I also know the reality of dating life in the society present, particularly for the 20-something range. Don't get me wrong, I think its great if someone can wait until they are engaged to have sex. However, I don't think I have known many that fall into this category. This paradigm puts those folks that have no interest in marriage, which seems systemic in the 20-somethings I know, in an awkward and somewhat unfair position.

I love my folks and I'm glad that they are involved in my life. They have never asked me about my sex life and I have never volunteered information. This works for us.

Is Tara's situtation a case of parental over-protection or over-involvement; have some boundaries been compromised? As good as it is to have your parents involved in your life is there some point at which the line is drawn and access is simply denied? Or alternatively, should we tell all to the parental units in the name of open communication, not fearing judgement?

I'm curious to see how Tara will handle this awkward situation. Outcome notwithstanding, I must say that she continues to amaze me with her ability to direct her life, her way with a minimum of drama to those around her.

Roll on, T.