Control

In order to make this post I had to play let's make a deal with Home Depot Guy, since it contains some personal stuff about him. So, the deal is that I have to refer to him by his real name, Zef, and I have to clear up that he does not work for Home Depot, thats just where we met.

Done with that!

Zef: I yelled at my brother and made him cry. Now I feel like total jerk.

Jim: Your brother with cancer?

Zef: Yeah, I feel horrible.

Jim: You should, that was a mean thing to do, why did you do that?

Zef: He decided to stop his chemo. Maybe you could talk to him since you understand how all of that works.

Jim: No, I think his oncologist has way more than covered that. Plus, its common for people to feel like stopping in the beginning, those drugs can really take their toll in many ways. Try giving him some time to adjust.

Zef: Yeah, I guess so. I wish I wouldn't have yelled at him, why do I do that?

Jim: I think thats an easy one. Lets take the big picture of your life.

Work - your boss loves you and lets you have free reign. Your group loves you and does exactly as you wish. You control your work life.

School - you have a 3.9 GPA and consistently make the top scores. You control your school life.

Social - you are the alpha dog with your friends, you tell them when and where and they respond. You organize your soccer team and every group in which you participate. You control your social life.

This thing with your brother is something you can't control which makes you mad.

Zef: Dont forget, I control you too. Muah ha ha! LOL

Jim: Hardly, LOL

Zef: Poor word choice, you allow me to control our interaction.

Jim: Circumstantial, my social life is low priority right now, so I respond to requests as they come in rather than initiating them. That will change.

Zef: So, the trick is to keep you really busy if I want to be in the position of initiator. I think you need a PHD after your Masters! Muah ha ha!

Jim: Right, when you fork over the cash for that, we'll talk.

Zef: Oh, I'm OK with that!

Jim: Anyway, back to my point. Your being mad at not having control is your problem, don't take it out on your brother. Maybe you could try some gentle support rather than your typical 20-pound-sledgehammer variety.

Zef: Thats a good idea, glad I thought of it! I think I'm going to skip out on summer session and take a leave of absence from work so I can spend more time with him.

Jim: Or you could just talk to your boss and see if you could work remotely from NYC.

Zef: Another good idea, glad I thought of that too! LOL

Jim: I see you haven't lost your sense of humor.

Zef: Never. Oh, thanks for being the only person to not treat me differently. Everyone else is being too nice and giving me those poor baby looks. I hate that.

Jim: They're just expressing sympathy. You know, us humans usually express sympathy to other humans when something bad happens to them. Maybe you could just accept it graciously with a thank you instead of interpreting it as a weakness or loss of control.

Zef: Uh-huh, so what are you wearing?

Jim: An Easter bunny costume with big floppy ears.

Zef: HOT! You know I have an Easter bunny fetish, I'll be there in 2 minutes.

Jim: LOL, you are so not right, and on that note, say goodnight Zef.

Zef: Goodnight Zef.