Dear Ahmadinejad

Hey Mahmoud,

Just a quick email before Hebrew class.

Sorry I haven't written in a while but I've been so busy living in an uninterrupted stream of democracy that I completely forgot you existed. Sorry babe. So, how's life? I heard about that icky terrorist attack that killed a dozen of your Elite guards. Dude, that sucks ass. But its kinda like karma - live by the bomb, die by the bomb. Blah, blah, blah - I know, you already know all that.

Anyway, on to more important topics. I'm confused about some things you're doing and wanted to ask some questions to help me understand.

First, why are you dragging the great Persian culture through the mud? I'm sure you realize everytime you open your mouth you reek of Hilter and Nazi regime. My Persian friends here in the US depise you. They think you're making it harder for them to be proud of their culture. I think they need to be proud because they have a lot to be proud of. Even your own clerics have to told you to shut it, but you just keep regurgitaing the same dull-witted vitriol. It will probably net you some paragraph in a history book but I can't imagine that's a good end to your means. Plus its boring, so try some variation, that way I can be entertained while I shop on the internet. Thanks.

Secondly, whats going on with the whole nuke power thing? We all know your country has over 40% unemployment yet you keep funneling huge amounts of cash into this program for "energy production". Riiight, good one. C'mon man, you are already producing enough energy for your country, plus you have enough oil reserves to fuel the country indefintely. I'm sure you know this information is publically available. So why again the mad push for nuclear energy? I must be slow, I just don't get it. Even if it was for "cleaner" energy, to me it makes more sense to use those funds to make sure that your own people have basic necessities and basic infrastructure, but thats just me. I know - thats why I'm not president and you are, LOL. Maybe you're hoping you will be dealt with like North Korea? LOL, I'm thinking no.

The other thing that puzzles me, besides that whole Holocaust denial thing and the whole blow Israel, US and UK to bits thing, is why with so many problems in your own country, you continue stir shit up in Gaza, Syria, Lebanon and Iraq? Maybe you're still trying that tired "split the world into Believers and non-Believers" crap? I guess, but surely as an educated man familiar with history, you know exactly how that will bite your ass in the end. You aren't special enough to escape historical precedent, I'm afraid, you're just a guy with a big mouth and no back up.

Kiss, kiss. Bang, bang.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Jim