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Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Age Discrepancy

You might remember my attorney friend, Girlfriend-X. I post this story about her because I have another friend involved in the same quandary.

Gather 'round.

Girlfriend-X was divorced at 35. At 36, after a lecture she gave to law-school hopefuls, she found herself the object of a 22-year-old's affection. It started out innocently enough, him asking for her email address to ask questions about the logisitics of law school, pre and post. Then it morphed into a flirty, innuendo thing. Then he just flat out asked her for a date.

GF-X: Phone interference, high-noon.

Me: Work meeting or bad date intuition?

GF-X: I'm meeting the kid for coffee.

Me: Wait, you said that would never happen.

GF-X: Executing the Dragonlady routine, he'll be glad to see me leave after 20 minutes.

Me: LOL, good plan.

GF-X: High-noon. Don't forget.

Me: Yes, Mrs. Robinson. Coo Coo cachoo, LOL

Even though the kid e*stalked her for several weeks, he was charming and goofy. He was also one of the few people whose emails made her laugh out loud. I was forwarded most of them and I have to admit, he was clever and witty, in 22-year-old way. I encouraged her to meet him; what was the harm in giving a newbie advice about navigating the shark tank aka law school? She could never see beyond the 14-year difference in age, swearing up and down that it could never escape the neatly-wrapped boundaries of email.

I ran phone intereference at high-noon only to be greeted by her terse, Dragonlady cell phone announcement. I left a smart message thinking I would hear back in a couple of minutes. Five hours later I got a callback.

Me: Please tell me you've been in an accident.

GF-X: I decided to take in a movie, um, and go for a walk in Venice Beach.

Me: I believe they cell service in Venice Beach now, in case you were not aware.

GF-X: Yes, they do.

Me: Feeble attempt at obfuscation. You have something else to tell me, counselor, don't you?

She spent the afternoon with the kid, good. What I noticed, as she talked about her afternoon, was that this was the first time she talked so much about any afternoon with a man, and there had been many prior afternoons. For once she sounded truly happy. She laughed some sort of unfamiliar giggly high school girl laugh. I couldn't see it but I knew she was flipping her hair and probably wearing lip gloss, bubble gum lip gloss. And that hazy, goofy look people have coming off a date swirling with possibility - I knew she wearing that too.

But she could not allow it to continue. He was too young, too immature, she was a seasoned professional, he just a mere law student hopeful. Not to mention, what would The Firm think? I asked her when did she ever care about what anyone else thought about her. Acknowledged. I told her that she barely looked 30 herself. She corrected me, telling me she looked 29. So noted. I even told her that the 22-year-old at 6'3" with a persistent scruffy had a bit of an older look, say 28. So really that was only a 1 year age discrepancy. She wouldn't buy it, so I brought out the big guns -- interactive rationalization.

Me: Counselor, isn't true that your ex is older than you?

GF-X: Yes, 7 years older.

Me: And isn't it also true that his behavior toward the end of your blissful union could be construed as immature?

GF-X: Yes, very.

Me: Correct me if I don't recall exactly but isn't true that said ex has a flabby butt and love handles?

GF-X: LOL, wait a minute, for the record I would like to say that he didn't start out that way!

Me: Just answer the question, please. Yes or no, does the ex currently have a flabby butt and love handles?

GF-X: LOL, yes.

Me: So I ask you couselor, what makes more sense to you? Being involved with an immature 43-year-old with love handles and a flabby butt or being involved with an immature 22-year-old who is very fit and has a cute butt?

GF-X: Your ability to rationalize me speechless is why I both love and hate you.

Me: My work here is done!

So, the 22-year-old stayed around and became Boyfriend-X. Son-X loved BF-X if only because they spent more time together in the first several months of the GF/BF-X dating game than his real father spent with him during the first 8 years of his life.

GF-X and BF-X have been 'dating' for 10 years, the 22-year-old kid is now a 32-year-old attorney. They still maintain separate homes but they spend almost every evening together. Both are involved with Son-X's life with almost equal weight, as Son-X is starting his pre-law journey this Fall at UCLA. They have no plans to be married simply because they are happy and enjoying their lives -- as is.

It might not be conventional, but as you might conclude, following the rules was never their forte to start.


Blogger steve'swhirlyworld said...

Awesome story. I'm glad that it had a Hollywood ending :) So, since I'm 43, perhaps I should be looking for a 22 year old now???

7:50 AM

Blogger Jim said...

LOL, its been far from Hollywood but it worked for them. I personally have stories where the age difference did not work out so well.

I think you shouldn't let age discrepancy (or any other silly factors) stop you from being with someone who makes you happy :)

8:17 AM

Blogger NeiLDC said...

As long as the person is happy with that its okay, it doesnt matter you know.. at least Boy X would be happy and would have the inspiration to have his dream on. COme on!

1:36 PM

Blogger El G├╝ero said...

As someone who has had more than his share of spring/autumn...hey wait, make that spring/summer relationships, I applaud this happy ending.

3:49 PM

Blogger Jim said...

Thats true Neil, happiness is what is about in relationship land.

6:01 PM

Blogger Jim said...

Exactly, sometimes it does end that way. I'm hoping my friend in this situation will read my post and your comments and come to the same conclusion.

Its sad when people write their own endings before something starts.

6:08 PM

Blogger john said...

Aaaa... That's nice....

10:58 PM

Blogger Addison said...

I have the same relationship with my friend Maryn....SCARY!!!!!!

11:36 PM

Blogger Jim said...

Thanks John!

7:36 AM

Blogger Jim said...

Good for you Addison!

7:36 AM

Blogger Ryan Charisma said...

but what happened to the older ex with the love handles and the flabby butt?

8:09 PM

Blogger Jim said...

Ryan, last I heard he was happily remarried, not that we speak of him very often of course :)

10:10 PM

Blogger BRETTCAJUN said...

That is such a sweet tale. Now, does the 32 year old have love handles and a flabby butt now? Or is he hotter than ever???

8:30 AM

Blogger Jim said...

Scorching is the word, Brett. But then so is she :)

10:12 AM

Blogger Matthew said...

Wow - Jim - that is an amazing story! - Jim I have one question for you...where is my BF-X?

6:22 PM

Blogger Gregor said...

I completely forgot about GF-X. I miss those stories. I think it's sweet you do phone interference with her. I think you should compile all of your GF-X stories into a neat package.

9:31 PM

Blogger Jim said...

OH CRAP, sorry Matt, your BF-X has been in a box on the counter, I keep forgetting to drop him in the mail :)

10:20 PM

Blogger Jim said...

Greg, that would take years to compile! :)

We've been runnin phone interference for each other for a decade now, we are professionals.

10:22 PM

Blogger sevensoft said...

i agree as age shouldn't matter as long as happiness and trust is present. that's awesome.

5:22 PM

Blogger Jim said...

Exactly 7, if you don't have that you are not compatible no matter what else you have in common.

6:11 PM


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