Age Discrepancy

You might remember my attorney friend, Girlfriend-X. I post this story about her because I have another friend involved in the same quandary.

Gather 'round.

Girlfriend-X was divorced at 35. At 36, after a lecture she gave to law-school hopefuls, she found herself the object of a 22-year-old's affection. It started out innocently enough, him asking for her email address to ask questions about the logisitics of law school, pre and post. Then it morphed into a flirty, innuendo thing. Then he just flat out asked her for a date.

GF-X: Phone interference, high-noon.

Me: Work meeting or bad date intuition?

GF-X: I'm meeting the kid for coffee.

Me: Wait, you said that would never happen.

GF-X: Executing the Dragonlady routine, he'll be glad to see me leave after 20 minutes.

Me: LOL, good plan.

GF-X: High-noon. Don't forget.

Me: Yes, Mrs. Robinson. Coo Coo cachoo, LOL


Even though the kid e*stalked her for several weeks, he was charming and goofy. He was also one of the few people whose emails made her laugh out loud. I was forwarded most of them and I have to admit, he was clever and witty, in 22-year-old way. I encouraged her to meet him; what was the harm in giving a newbie advice about navigating the shark tank aka law school? She could never see beyond the 14-year difference in age, swearing up and down that it could never escape the neatly-wrapped boundaries of email.

I ran phone intereference at high-noon only to be greeted by her terse, Dragonlady cell phone announcement. I left a smart message thinking I would hear back in a couple of minutes. Five hours later I got a callback.

Me: Please tell me you've been in an accident.

GF-X: I decided to take in a movie, um, and go for a walk in Venice Beach.

Me: I believe they cell service in Venice Beach now, in case you were not aware.

GF-X: Yes, they do.

Me: Feeble attempt at obfuscation. You have something else to tell me, counselor, don't you?

She spent the afternoon with the kid, good. What I noticed, as she talked about her afternoon, was that this was the first time she talked so much about any afternoon with a man, and there had been many prior afternoons. For once she sounded truly happy. She laughed some sort of unfamiliar giggly high school girl laugh. I couldn't see it but I knew she was flipping her hair and probably wearing lip gloss, bubble gum lip gloss. And that hazy, goofy look people have coming off a date swirling with possibility - I knew she wearing that too.

But she could not allow it to continue. He was too young, too immature, she was a seasoned professional, he just a mere law student hopeful. Not to mention, what would The Firm think? I asked her when did she ever care about what anyone else thought about her. Acknowledged. I told her that she barely looked 30 herself. She corrected me, telling me she looked 29. So noted. I even told her that the 22-year-old at 6'3" with a persistent scruffy had a bit of an older look, say 28. So really that was only a 1 year age discrepancy. She wouldn't buy it, so I brought out the big guns -- interactive rationalization.

Me: Counselor, isn't true that your ex is older than you?

GF-X: Yes, 7 years older.

Me: And isn't it also true that his behavior toward the end of your blissful union could be construed as immature?

GF-X: Yes, very.

Me: Correct me if I don't recall exactly but isn't true that said ex has a flabby butt and love handles?

GF-X: LOL, wait a minute, for the record I would like to say that he didn't start out that way!

Me: Just answer the question, please. Yes or no, does the ex currently have a flabby butt and love handles?

GF-X: LOL, yes.

Me: So I ask you couselor, what makes more sense to you? Being involved with an immature 43-year-old with love handles and a flabby butt or being involved with an immature 22-year-old who is very fit and has a cute butt?

GF-X: Your ability to rationalize me speechless is why I both love and hate you.

Me: My work here is done!

So, the 22-year-old stayed around and became Boyfriend-X. Son-X loved BF-X if only because they spent more time together in the first several months of the GF/BF-X dating game than his real father spent with him during the first 8 years of his life.

GF-X and BF-X have been 'dating' for 10 years, the 22-year-old kid is now a 32-year-old attorney. They still maintain separate homes but they spend almost every evening together. Both are involved with Son-X's life with almost equal weight, as Son-X is starting his pre-law journey this Fall at UCLA. They have no plans to be married simply because they are happy and enjoying their lives -- as is.

It might not be conventional, but as you might conclude, following the rules was never their forte to start.